When my kids were young, I came up with five questions to ask them because I wanted to know more about them. I didn''t read about these somewhere or have them given to me as advice. They just sort of happened. It turns out they are not just great for kids but great for just about everyone. Here is how it happened and why it''s important.

Starting around age 6 and 7, I would ask my son and daughter how their day was during dinner. They never really opened up at that time. I tried all the standard parenting approaches by asking questions like, "What was your high/low for the day?" or "What''s something funny that happened?" They always played along, but I never got to the good stuff. The night would go on, and inevitably it was bedtime. Upon laying the kids down and walking out of the room, they suddenly wanted to talk, so they would start asking questions - a desperate and welcome attempt to not go to sleep.

Originally, this would frustrate me, but I decided to lean in and leverage this initiative instead. I would turn around, lay down with them, and start asking them questions instead. Over time, I settled on five:

1. What makes you happy?

2. What makes you sad?

3. What scares you?

4. If I could do anything for you in the next 24 hours, what would it be?

5. Do you have any questions for me?

Simple enough, right? It turns out these questions are not just great for kids but also great for getting to know anyone. I only realized this after four trips over six years of hard-ass backpacking.

A good friend started a non-profit called WayForward. It''s a mission-led organization that takes men and women into the woods and away from the demands of everyday life. You can''t bring your cellphone or even a watch, and each member carries enough supplies for a week. In those supplies are meals for the group, and they are heavy. Over the course of seven days, each pack is lightened a bit when your meal is called. Your burden is lifted. But the grueling terrain and uncertainty give you a chance to revisit who you are and remember how you handle adversity, ability, unfairness, and struggle. It sucks, it''s amazing, and it breaks you down.

During the week, the group participates in "life stories." Every member on the trip is given 15 minutes to simply tell their life story, and afterward, the participants get to ask questions for another 15 minutes. The combination of fatigue and setting has a way of eliciting honesty. The stories I''ve heard (and told) on these trips are raw and healing. I''ve never had another experience like it. Like a scar, it hurts to get but cool to tell the story.

Ok, back to the five questions. What I noticed on these trips and listening to over 50 of these stories is that essentially they follow suit. People want to tell and ask about what makes them happy, sad, and scared. Then people want to know how they can immediately help, followed by a reciprocation of being open themselves.

Over the following 10 years, I''ve employed these five questions at different times, and they never disappoint. Simply focusing on someone and being intentional accelerates relationship building and creates some pretty amazing interactions.

I''ve updated the way I ask these questions for adults to really get to it. The next time you get into a conversation with someone, try stopping down and asking these questions like this with the following setup:

> Setup: Hey, I''ve enjoyed our convo this far, and I have a set of five questions. I started asking these questions to my kids a long time ago but learned over the years that everyone seems to like to answer them. You don''t have to say yes, but I''d love to ask them to you, but I need you to commit to answering them honestly. What do you think?

1: What makes you happy?

I''m talking about the kind of happiness that nothing could stop. Where your heart sang, and you couldn''t feel anything but joy.

2: What makes you sad?

I''m talking about the kind of sadness that makes your chest hurt. The kind of sadness that makes you forget the day-to-day and remember the journey we are all on.

3: What scares you?

I''m talking about the kind of fear that has you sit up in bed at night. The kind of fear that drops your stomach. The kind of fear that makes you push it back down inside.

4: What can I do?

Thank you so much for sharing. I know you are busy, and so am I, but to show you how much I appreciate your openness, I''d like to do something for you. For the next 24 hours, you will be my top priority. What can I do to help you? Can I pray? Can I call someone? Can I send out a resume? You name it, and I''ll do my best. I mean it. How can I help?

5: What questions do you have for me?

You''ve shared a bunch with me tonight. What questions do you have for me? Happy to give you my answers.

It''s been a long time since most adults have been asked by a truly interested party what makes them happy, sad, and scared. Moreover, it''s not often that someone asks how they can help and truly is interested in doing so. Most people need that. Most people want help but don''t have the chance to ask. Lastly, inviting them to ask questions of you just shows that you are willing to share as well.

I''ve had amazing results from this. I''ve tried to help a 65-year-old woman get a date. I''ve been given $200 with the instructions to bless someone else. There have been tears and genuine cries for help. Simple questions with real outcomes.

Next time you are in a conversation with someone who you seem to be getting along with, take a chance and ask five simple questions. You''ll be surprised at the connection.