From Excuses to Action: Overcoming Self-Doubt to Be the Friend and Mentor You Want to Be

Most people want advice or help in some area of their life; they could use someone to guide them, speak the truth, or simply listen. However, most of us think that it's a job for someone else. Part of this might be apathy, but I think the bigger part is feeling inadequate.

Most of us feel we aren't qualified to be a coach, instructor, mentor, or even a good friend. With that being the case, it leaves a lot of people without the guidance or advice they want, and few of them are brave enough to seek it out.

If I've learned anything in life, it's that the process of doing is what actually teaches us. We're never fully ready to do anything. There's always some degree of faith involved in trying something new. For example, a salesperson can write a detailed call script, but to truly get better at cold calling, they have to actually cold call. To get better at pull-ups, you have to do a lot of pull-ups. It's the same with helping, mentoring, and being a friend. To get good at it, you have to do it.

Most of the success in my career has come from doing just this: jumping into situations I didn't think I was ready for. Every time, I surprised myself and became proficient at the things I thought I was lacking. No one has ever stopped me and told me I wasn't ready. If anything, they spurred me on.

That said, I've rarely followed that pattern for helping people. I'm not talking about helping someone with a flat tire or opening a door for them. I'm talking about the real stuff. Asking people how they are. Asking them where they're struggling and how I might get my hands dirty helping. I've always felt I needed to know more about their problem or be better trained to truly make an impact. Fear lives best behind well-sounding, rational, self-soothing excuses. But nonetheless, it lives. Personally, I am trying to eschew those excuses in hopes of becoming a better guide, mentor, and friend by doing, not preparing.

Growth is usually uncomfortable to some extent. If you have been hesitant, like me, to be a better friend, perhaps it's time to lean in and see how you can make a difference by doing. The world certainly seems to need it.